New ..........

First to start with the new hair.. Decided to chop it all off to save time and free myself of the hair in my face . I am openign my blog up to some people . i was blogging before but lost intrest. now I am finding i would like to document my days so that maybe they would make more sense. today was a "good" day.. A head injury is tricky. more so than i could have ever anticipated. My mom is still my mom in every since of the word.. untill she opens her mouth to speak. then it all begins to seem like some strange horror movie where aliens have taken over her body..it resembles her, it imitates her, but is not her. this creature in her place is cold, uncaring, and horrifically selfish. when i say a "good" day its when she has aknoledged more than herself reached out to Lillie to tickle her, as she no longer hugs the grandbabies like she used to. she is tortured by the smallest of things. things that are out of anyones control, yet she expects them to be controlled.. on a BAD day.. she is a vile creature.. going from calling me a cow to telling my little brother she hates all stupid faggots.. yeah this has been rough. i can deal with health issues.. but right now.. THIS? i want my mom back!

I am starting over. i have chopped off my hair in symbolism of this . i now must do what so many of us have done at a much younger age than i .. figure out what direction to follow.. certainly i have my children, my husband , my household .. i want more. i NEED more.. for myself. i had to reach up and put myself on the back burner so that my husband could get himself a career and make money. NOW we have done that. EIGHT long years of waiting: of being a single mother, of being a military wife,: for him to come home . hes HOME. NOW finally .. its time for ME. and so it truely begins now. what do i want?